Monster Monster Manifesto

As I was hawking through some Manifesto sites recently (as one does) I came across this wee gem. It's an awful shame we don't have a party which compares with the UKs Monster Raving Looney party. I know that people say we don't need one, because all of the parties are taking the piss, but some of the measures in the looney manifesto are just great.

I'll fire up bits from time to time when I cant think of anything more useful to contribute. Todays lessons are in Economics and Environment

Economics

Overview Our team of experts has decided that Income Tax has not proved popular with the public and will therefore be abolished. It was started in order to finance the Napoleonic war in 1799 and we now believe that the time is right to announce the cessation of hostilities with Napoleon. Some of the money left in the coffers will be used to fill in our part of the Channel Tunnel in case no one has mentioned it to the French. Any remaining money will be strategically placed on a horse at the 3-30 at Haydock Park at odds of at least 12/1 in order to see us through until the next election. Income Tax will be officially replaced by people lending the government a bob or two at the end of the week when we’re a bit skint.

Other policies: We will issue a 99p coin to save on change.
The Official Monster Raving Loony Party will not join the single European currency. We will invite all Europeans countries to JOIN THE POUND.
Rich people should be taxed to pay for the printing of money, as they use most of it.
Tax credits will be paid to nice people. There will be a “total bastard” tax for everyone else.

Education
Overview We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks. Any MP whose constituency sells off a school playing field for development will be required to relinquish their own back garden as a replacement sports facility for the school. All future Deputy Prime Ministers will be required to be fluent in at least one language to encourage the education system.

Other policies:

In the interests of fair education policy, under a loony government all children will automatically be given full marks in their exams.

Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.

SAT’s tests will be abolished and replaced by Gordon Ramsey style cookery lessons and Rolf Harris art classes.

All children will be given two birthdays like the Queen.

Any child who is cleverer than their teacher will be allowed to take over the class and the teacher will stand at the back with a dunce’s hat on. He or she will then be on half pay until he or she has learnt enough to regain the upper ground. This is our policy for child empowerment.

The number 13 will be abolished due to its longstanding unpopularity. The bus to Acton North will now not have a number on it but not much else will be affected. Therefore if you see a bus with no number on it, it will be going to Acton North. Please remember this for future reference.

Policies for students:
Eton and Oxford will be relocated to Blackpool and Bognor Regis leaving the other Universities with a chance of a bigger intake.

All students will be awarded The Louis Pasteur degree for the scientific research into the growth of mould.

We intend to make free university tuition available to all students named Grant. Any student who says the word “Like” when not grammatically called for, as in, “Hey, I’m .. Like, going down the… like, pub”, or, “I was, like, don’t do that” will be made to go and stay with George Bush for a week in order to discourage them from other stupid ‘Americanisms’